“NEAR MRS.” © Elana James, Mandiola Music (BMI), 2019.
Ever since I can recall I’ve been looking for a man,
someone I would marry, I thought I had a plan.
He’d be nice and honest, handsome and discreet
Love me just for who I am, and life would be so sweet.
But lovers come and suitors go and somehow all along
Every single one of them for me had just been wrong….
One in Austin, so full of life, liked to introduce me as his future ex wife,
Another one danced, he’d swing me high, he never even kissed me and I don’t know why.
Three was a poet, who lived in a tent, then the one whose mom still payed his rent.
Near Mrs, I waited on you, Near Mrs, never said I do
So I kissed a violinist, but I found he was engaged, then a wine-drinking cowboy livin’ out on the sage,
Seven an Italian didn’t like my clothes, eight a writer with a girl that he didn’t disclose,
There were guys with blue, brown, green and hazel eyes, ten, god bless, won the Nobel Prize.
Oh I dated a professor, but he had an “M.R.S.,” and way back when the guy from INXS,
New York City, he wore a skirt, and a navy fighter pilot who just wanted dessert.
Fifteen ran for governor, he said to me, he had two girls but was lookin’ for three.
Near Mrs, never said I do, Near Mrs., coulda been Mrs. You
Oh one lives in Kodiak, he fished the Bearing sea, Seventeen he loved Jesus more than me.
Then I took a break, to Montana I did ride, and there beneath the western skies my heart blew open wide
When eighteen said he’d marry me, until his wife found out, and Buck Owens tried to kiss me, but then he kicked me out
Twenty played the sitar, twenty-one bought me jewels, twenty-two was Irish, twenty-three packed mules.
Twenty-four a pauper, he lied till I got wise, and twenty-five was artsy, but he really liked guys.
Now I live with twenty-six, it’s quiet and it’s nice. He loves me just for who I am, we don’t think twice.
Near Mrs, I waited for you, Near misses, I better be through
Now the clouds have finally parted and they’ve chased my blues away, he hasn’t asked me yet, but I know what I would say.
I found a real man, it’s quiet and it’s nice. He loves me just for who I am, we don’t think twice.
He’s a man of few words, and when he holds me close, after twenty-five near Mrs, it’s him I love the most.